I just can't let myself delete this stupid thing.
I felt like posting because its highly unlikely that anyone will check it.
I need a way of putting my feelings out there, but then again not completely.
This is perfect, cause they may see..or not.

This past semester has been going amazing academically. However, its really shown me that school is not everything. Because I'm not happy. I don't really know the countless times I cry myself to sleep just to ease the pain of feeling so alone. I hate it. I worked so hard to get here and now I'm still not happy? My boyfriend and I just had our 4 year anniversary. Being with him scares me still. I hate that he doesn't open up to me still. I feel so helpless when hes hurting because I don't know much. I hate feeling so left out of everything. I hate feeling like my friends don't want me around. I hate that I take stimulants almost daily. I say its for school, but sometimes being so wired helps me feel less sad.

I think that taking too many drugs has really messed up my brain chemistry or something. Is it normal to cry everyday?

I'm really stressed. I have a freaking paper due thursday. School is..school. I'm doing alright (knock on wood) but I just hope this school year ends on a great note..I worked way too hard this year for it not to. So it is final, I'll be going to OU next semester and not to SWOSU...I mean its cool and all but I don't know if I'm ready for the big campus. I'm so used to how highschool was and OCCC..and I mean when I went to Weatherford the other day to visit..the campus wasn't huge but it wasn't tiny either..and most of all it wasn't like intimidating like OU is..I don't know. I am so not ready for change .....I hope 'real' college is good to me and I freaking grow up. I'm almost 19 and feel like I'm still 15.

sooo I totally scored a 97 on my first zoo lecture exam .
the class average was a 63 and I was the highest grade in all 3 of his classes.
and YES I'm very proud cause I mean c'mon I studied soooo hard for this freaking test and have a dick head for a professor, he even said that he was surprised the class average was a 63 cause its usually a 61. but yeah I was excited. haha I'm SUCH a nerd. kbye<3